Giving Up Hope.

" These Days, I'm more likely to feel hopeless than sad, more likely to feel as if nothing really makes a difference, as if our whole human civilization is unraviling and there is nothing I or anyone can do about it. It's different from sadness, and perhaps it needs a different, more complex set of ideas for coping with it:
Give up hope. That's right, get off the hope/despair roller coaster and realize once and for all: It's hopeless! You should have known when a U.S presidential candidate won an election on a platform of mere hope that it was time to give up. Embrace hopelessness! It's OK! It makes sense. But we can,should, and must still be intentional, responsible, and joyful."
  
This is an excerpt from Dave Pollard's article in the UTNE Reader. The first part was particularly striking, I could relate to the endless feelings of burden I often feel for the world. There are abductions, sex slaves, women working for 16 cents a day to make one 100 dollar pair of jeans, mothers dying, children dying, resources depleting, the continuation of and ever increasing capitalistic take over of everything good, stealing, suicide, homicide, still borns, war, depression. There is so much to fix, it overwhelms me, all I want to do is fix it.

By giving up hope, Pollard is saying to let go of the burden, but not to loose intention, to remain passionate and driven. To keep intention and action in your heart, knowing well, that you did everything you could to do your part, regardless of the seemingly small and sometimes non-exsistent impacts. In short, don't beat your self up, you are doing all you can. Look at the little joys, and allow them to bring you joy. The passing smile, your mom's hugs, a ride to the airport by your boss, literature, knowledge-as sad as it can be sometimes, sleep, sun, splashing in rain puddles, that first deep breath after a beautiful sleep, dreams, walking, butterfly kisses, real kisses, TREES, tall people, family calls, drinking water.

My piece of randomness for the day.

My Friend.

Talks with my grandmother are always filled with little obscurities, ones that can easily bring me to tears, but more times than not, make me smile and chuckle. Tonight I talked to her nearly an hour, about really anything that came to mind - The Oscars, cheese, doctors, night owl cookies, bunt cakes, family dinners, my cousin, traveling, her kids, her migration from Deitroit to California at the age of 17, the way she met my grandfather, their frist date, their second date to the rose bowl where she had to rise at 4:00 am to get a good standing spot, but was extra tired because the night before was out with another guy, the way she ate only half of things when she first moved here to loose weight, her urge to move to New York, how a half of cantaloupe just isn't offered anymore in restaurants, her brother, how she often calls my cousin "Tayler", Sasha, her awe over the google ap on her iphone, the parties she wants to throw, numbers, Sin City, age, time, friends.

My day was made by her batches and endless flow of randomness, I love her, and at the end of the conversation, I was happy to hear she felt the same way.

Free Cupcakes!

After hosting a cupcake decorating event, I found myself in a rut, I had about 30 cupcake that had gone untouched. I cleaned up, headed back to to the office, and decided that my best bet was to stand outside and offer the treats up...I mean what college student can resist free food?

There was this one taker, a man, that 3 days after the fact has stayed very clear in my mind. When I offered him a cupcake, his face immediately lit up. He said, "are you serious",  I said of course, and from my response a smile came across his face that was big enough to make my day... I offered him two more just for his enthusiasm. He walked away, and later came back just to say,  "You have really made my day, these are going to sustain me for the next few hours, thank you."

I don't know why this five minute encounter was special, but it was, I believe it was his energy, the energy of human connection that made that mark on my memory.

Human interaction, the act of saying thanks, of being grateful--- it's the random moments in life that build on its ever questioning meaning.